Nowadays you hear the word "empowerment" just about everywhere. What’s that guest on Oprah talking about today? Empowerment! What are those politicians saying they want to do for you? Empower you! Your pastor may be preaching it. Your teacher may be teaching it. Your supervisor may be hoping to supervise you toward it. After a while it can become rather annoying.

The only question is . . . what is empowerment?

You won’t find the answer in Webster’s dictionary. "Empowerment" isn’t even listed! The dictionary does define "empower" as "to give power." To give power? Webster must have been at a loss for words on that one!

This month and next, I would like to stimulate your thoughts about what empowerment means in your life. First, we’ll consider power from a "material worldview." Next month, we will contrast this with a perspective that I refer to as "true empowerment."

"Power" in our material worldview has been demonstrated in countless ways, but they can all essentially be described under three basic categories: Control, Performance, and Approval.

When we see control as a pathway to power, we believe we are empowered when others believe and behave as we would have them do. We believe that we should have substantial control over those within our sphere of influence. All is well "in our universe" when others are believing, feeling and behaving the way we want them to. It hangs us up when they have the gall to exercise their free will. Maybe we respond with anger. (If we are religious, we get to call it "righteous indignation!") Maybe we respond by ending the relationship and citing "irreconcilable differences." Of course, the more controlling we are, the more all differences are irreconcilable! When we overcontrol, we find ourselves struggling with intense anger. While this may make us feel powerful in the moment, the truth is that we are really like small children, having temper tantrums when we don’t get our way. We waste our energy. And as a result, our children rebel against us. Our spouses either don’t bother arguing with us after a time (because it gets them nowhere), or eventually leave us. We may feel tired and lonely on the inside. Not very powerful.

When we see performance as a pathway to empowerment, we believe that coming in "first place" is what really counts. All is well "in our universe" when we are perceived as competent and productive. We may be highly competitive people who view a "dog eat dog" world, where losing is not acceptable. We may seek to hurt, impede, or eliminate the competition in the marketplace, at school and at home. We see our money and possessions as signs of our success (And, if we are religious, we get to call it "blessed!") We may strive hard for the bigger house, newer car, and larger bank accounts—or, we may simply strive to do our best at everything—work, home, and play—trying to be the "superhuman" so we can get it all done, and keep it all together.  Image—either how others see us, or how we see ourselves--can be very important to us. As long as we can keep pushing the "junk" of our life in the closet, and everything looks O.K. on the outside, we are successful! Our shiny suit of armor makes it hard for others to really know us. We may feel tired and lonely on the inside. Not very powerful.

When we see approval as the pathway to empowerment, we believe that our power comes from a ballot box, much like a politician may feel, who gets the most votes. All is well "in our universe" when all others like and appreciate us. We attempt to manipulate others around us to get them to applaud our efforts and see what a good person we are. (If we are religious we get to call this "charity" or "love.") It sometimes doesn’t matter if we even like or respect the person we seek approval from. Our need for approval becomes an addiction, at times an obsession. We are like a chameleon that over-adapts to please others, changing our colors to fit in with those around us. We fail to assert our thoughts, feelings, and needs, because conflict might arise if we do. We find it difficult to say no. We lose sight of our identity and our self-respect withers away. We may feel tired and lonely on the inside. Not very powerful.

I challenge you to look around at the world today. Look also at yourself and those in your household. Can’t you see examples of such material world power everywhere? Do you sometimes get angry when others disagree with you? Do you feel like a hamster running on its wheel, trying to keep up? Do you find it hard to say no to others because they may not like you? Pay attention to the three categories, and you will see evidence of them operating all around you!

Seek to identify the category—control, performance, or approval—that best fits your beliefs about where your power lies. Journal about what you do to achieve that kind power in your daily life, and what feelings you experience as a result.