Forgiveness

When Paul said he would like us to focus on forgiveness this week, I thought: This won't be easy. I knew this article would be difficult for me to write because forgiveness does not come easy to me. Reluctance to forgive has to be the most persistent character defect I confront in my life. Every time I teach Step Six of the Twelve Steps in session, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character," the words entirely ready jump out at me. It is so hard for me to get entirely ready to forgive! I do so love holding a grudge, it seems, even as I hate that trait in me.

What I've learned to do in my own walk is this: I don't beat myself up for my tendency to hold grudges. I know I do it in an irrational attempt to control the future--to stay very, very age from being hurt again. I do it--if I'm honest, and I'm trying hard to be here--because I enjoy feeling superior to the one who injured me, I enjoy thinking you owe me. I've learned to forgive myself for this character defect, because I override these feelings I dislike by choosing to act in forgiving ways, trusting that God will take care of the rest. And I try to remember that this is something I have to watch for everyday in my spiritual walk, this tendency of mine to hold a grudge.

When I stop to reflect on my past injuries, I can see that people have hurt me chiefly with their own character defects--their greed; their lust for power, position, money, or control; their fear of loss or being hurt by me, or by their cowardice and inability to stand with me when they were needed.

When I look with some dispassion at the facts of these incidents, I can see that many of these people were rather unconscious about what they were doing and why. They rationalized their actions, and doubtless felt justified. Those in my life who live more consciously, who take their own moral inventories and try to correct their wrongs, have been easy to forgive.

When I look with some dispassion at the facts of these incidents, I can see that many of these people were rather unconscious about what they were doing and why. They rationalized their actions, and doubtless felt justified. Those in my life who live more consciously, who take their own moral inventories and try to correct their wrongs, have been easy to forgive.

t is the people who are unrepentant, who deny the damage, that I have difficulty forgiving. And I see that the more unconscious these people are, the more likely they are to have hurt others in addition to me. I can see that they are at their core miserable, unhappy people who do everything possible not to stop and recognize their own misery. I began to see them--I have the smallest, but sweetest glimpse--as God sees.

We encourage you to check out our featured links on forgiveness this week and reflect on your own experience with this important spiritual issue. We'll close with this anonymous prayer, found on the body of a woman at Auschwitz:

O Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will but also those of evil will. And in remembering the suffering they inflicted upon us, honor the fruits we have borne thanks to this suffering--our comradeship, our humility, our compassion, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart that has grown out of all this; and when they come to the judgment, let the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness . . .